I smell stomach acid.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize