I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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