She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
