I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize