I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
