how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
