It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
