i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
