So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize