After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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