he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
