I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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