No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
