Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
