that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
