i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it glows. i had to have it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
