i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
