He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
