He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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