Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
