Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
