I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
