Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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