either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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