I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
