blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I believe in your delicious
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
