You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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