so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
