So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
