Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
