I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
