the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
