I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
