absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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