what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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