I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize