p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
