sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
