Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
