nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
