i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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