I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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