How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
