New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize