hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
