I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
