Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to calm my uterus...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
