It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
