paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm really busy with my period
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