you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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