We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
