You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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