I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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