thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
