I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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