She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
