Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
