OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize