we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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