my sisters under your porch take her home
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
