Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
