So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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