Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
