i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
