Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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