dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I supernannyed him into submission
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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