When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
