So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
