why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
