every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
