White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize