It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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