We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
