One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
