It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
