the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
