I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
