Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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