I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
