We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
