My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
