Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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