my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
