I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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