i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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