dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
