He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
